On 29th May, 2022 HCI held an interesting Zoom session with Psychiatrist Vani Kulhalli on the topic that almost every person who has faced mental health challenges deals with at some point or the other.
Dr. Vani spoke eloquently and answered many questions related to topic of ‘When to begin medicines and when to stop medication for mental health.
Here are some of the highlights of her session:
1.
While taking medicine for one’s psychiatric illness, an appropriate dosage (not less, neither high) is required for an appropriate duration.
2.
Whenever we start our medication the initial 3-4 weeks are difficult. Side effects of the medicines will be there. We have to inform about the side effects to our Psychiatrist. We can look for home remedies to cope up with the side effects.
3.
Psychiatrists are well trained in prescribing medicines but they are not well versed in listening or in giving therapy. We need to visit both a psychiatrist and psychologist (therapist) for better handling of our mental health.
4.
Every psychiatrist is unique and they too have different personalities. Choosing a best psychiatrist is our choice. We can look for medical professionals who can match our personality.
5.
The initial days of medication can be difficult. Over a period of time, medicines will get adjusted with our body chemistry and the side effects can go away. We need to have patience. If any side effect bothers us too much, it’s time to inform our doctor.
6.
We shouldn’t think that medications will be for life-time. We need to set a goal for our recovery and should have hope that everything will be fine. We have to make a plan for a specific period and act accordingly to that.
7.
New medicines or treatments are constantly coming to the market. So one needs to be hopeful and stay positive for their better mental health.
8.
Have a buddy with whom we can share our hard times and our ups and downs, so that we can feel comfortable and find it easy to handle our mental state.
9.
Weed or drugs are never an option to deal with mental health issues. They can make us temporarily feel good, but they are harmful in the long run. Instead of having a weed we can inculcate hobbies such as gardening, walking, running and other physical activities to feel good and happy.
10.
While thinking about quitting medicines we need to think about the cost-benefit analysis of medications, so that we can understand how effectively the prescribed medicine is helping us.
11.
For better handling of our overall health we need to make some lifestyle changes and also choose a diet that best suits us while energising us.
Mental Illness didn’t stop him. He shared his inspiring story with #HCI
27th April 2022 saw some inspiring stories being shared by those who are going places in spite of their mental illness by pursuing their treatment along with their zest for life.
Despite having a bipolar disorder, she has been a successful award-winning entrepreneur, sharing her story with #HCI
The main purpose of this online #HCI session was to show that you are more than your mental illness. If you have diabetes, you don’t focus on it all the time. You also focus on the fact that you have a good career, loving family, active social life and love for sports & travel.
It can be similar for mental illness too. Instead of focusing on your mental health disorder all the time, you can focus on other areas of your life : friends, family, lifestyle interests and hobbies? This was the crux behind the stories shared by some members of HCI who were thriving along with taking treatment for their mental health
He didn’t succumb to his suicidal tendencies, instead, he became a successful name in the corporate world
These stories inspired many listeners and participants. They went back home with hope in their hearts and a willingness to explore the depth in their lives, too!
In the month of March 2022, HCI initiated a special theme. We encouraged HCI members to ‘Share What They Have Never Shared Before’. This initiative was a huge success and saw many members open up and share their experiences. Here’s a glimpse at some of the quotes shared by members.
Participants of #hci sharing their stories in an online session
1. Due to childhood trauma, I have spent most of my life pleasing people. I have Co-dependency and I am always scared of people leaving me. I’ve taken a lot of shit, been in a toxic relationship… I have started to feel good about myself through therapy.
2. I have a history of suicide attempts and self-harm episodes. I am on medication.
3. I’ll do anything to get the approval of people… to get acceptance of my sexuality… to be invited to events. Therefore I’ve been treated like a doormat – but not anymore.
4. I am earning in lakhs but I am not happy. I feel empty and my self-worth comes from others, not from within. I take meds to manage my anxiety.
5. I took my car to the gas station in the middle of the night to run away from my thoughts. I am constantly worrying about what people think about me. I am scared of getting into another relationship and want to understand how to deal with my emotions and other people.
6. I am petrified of taking decisions. I have made impulsive decisions and quit my studies and jobs in anger. I regret it a lot.
7. My partner died. I had a fantastic connection with her. I felt loved and understood by her. I indulge in BDSM to find the same love and connection. And when I don’t find it, I drink a lot of alcohol to numb my pain. I am taking help to manage my feelings in a healthier way.
8. I am gay and have been assaulted a few times. I was hallucinating for 6 months and there was nobody to talk to or any kind of support. My friend banged the door on my face.
9. I was accused of molestation and it deeply affected me. I was in such a bad state that I was brought home in a wheelchair. And now I feel that I don’t deserve love.
10. I was molested and I couldn’t do anything. I was scared that the oppressor would end my life. I have got into addictive cruising and BDSM. I am learning to forgive myself and understand that I was helpless as a child.
The Hugging Club of India online meeting was presided over by Dr.Parijat Roy who works with Sion Hospital Mumbai. He spoke about the topic on “Breakups and the stress that comes with it and how to handle it”. Here is an account of what the good doctor spoke ( his own words) on this much awaited Zoom session conducted by HCI.
Dr. Parijat Roy on a Zoom session at one of HCI’s regular workshops
Every breakup has pain associated with it. Breaks up are extremely painful and distressing. A person who has suffered a breakup would experience a wide range of symptoms ranging from feeling low, unworthy, distressed, depressed, having decreased appetite, having insomnia to serious symptoms like helplessness, hopelessness, worthlessness and having suicidal intentions and thoughts. Breakups should not be taken lightly and we should not wait for the symptoms to worsen up, which may need medical intervention and support. People do recover from breakups. But the recovery phase from a breakup varies depending on the person, the personality of the person, the intensity of commitment in the relationship and the duration of the relationship. The longer the duration the more it takes to heal. A mental well-being professional can help to manage the distress and help us handle the phases. The time after breakup is like any other grieving processes. A Breakup also goes through the 5 stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The time taken to recover depends on how long we are in any one of the stages. Denial comes immediately after breakup. It involves the belief that the person is still in the relationship; Anger comes after that. It manifests over the partner leaving us; Bargaining involves doing anything to be in the relationship; Depression phase begins after the breakup really sinks in where the main problem comes. On the other hand, Acceptance phase is where the person realises that the partner is no more in the relationship and this is where healing starts. Breakups clinically could be of two scenarios. It could be when the partner breaks up with us or when we breakup with a partner.
HCI’s workshops on Zoom are always well attended by a host of participants
How to handle breakup:
When the partner breaks up with us, begin the process by putting a stop to demeaning yourself. Stop using the word that the partner has dumped you. We are not some pieces of trash to be dumped upon. We need to think deep and stop blaming ourselves and stop blaming the partner. Harbouring anger or resentment or bitterness is not good. The negative emotions pile up and worsen us. Also, do not bitch about your partner.
Always remember the fact that just being in a relationship, does not mean it should work 100%. Accept the fact that break up comes with pain. It gives a lot of heart break.
Once acceptance comes healing begins. Once you reach the acceptance phase start taking care of yourself. In a relationship we invest much in the welfare of the relationship so that we tend to neglect and side line our welfare. This is the time to reconnect with yourself. Start spending quality time for you. You could spend time with family and friends who were given minimal importance when you were in a relationship. This is the chance to connect with them. This could help you cope up with loneliness which is a by-product of a breakup. Watch your eating pattern. Do eat well. Do not eat less or do not go for binge eating. Regulate your sleep cycle as in a relationship you could have stayed awake till late night. Follow good sleep hygiene. Exercise and work on your body. Both physical and mental health go hand in hand together. If one falls it will pull down the other too. Learn a skill or travel somewhere you wanted to visit. Listen to music. Music can heal. Just don’t listen to heartbreak songs.
Do not abuse substances. Substances although can give momentary relief they are depressive and worsen the mood and are also detrimental to health.
Do not get into a rebound. Rebounds might happen. Without thinking the pros and cons do not get in to another relationship soon. Take some time to get over the breakup.
Do not follow your ex in social media. Block the person from your contacts and social media posts. It really helps.
Eager participants were keen to ask questions to the doctor using HCI’s platform which is free for all
Vent out your emotions to a trusted person be it family or friends. You can also write in diary which can help you manage your emotions well too.
Express gratitude for the good memories that you had in the relationship. Not all are lucky to be in a relationship.
Learn from the past relationship. Life is but a journey of getting experiences.
Take help from a professional if it is overwhelming. It is not a sign of weakness. ”If we get a fracture in the leg we go to the doctor so why not for this.”
When we breakup with the partner:
Initially we will be relieved. It will be followed by a period of feeling low and finally we will be guilty for leaving the partner.
Before breaking up think clearly and make sure you want to break up. If you have an iota of doubt on your decision then try speaking with the partner. Take a break. This break will give you clarity and then make a decision.
If you are sure to breakup then it is fine. Although we don’t have a valid reason for break up and we could see it is not working, it is perfectly okay to end the relationship. You did an honest straight forward thing. You did not drag your partner on to something that was not working. You did not cheat on your partner. Eventually, your partner will also move on.
No one can be the source of your happiness or unhappiness. Likewise you cannot be the source of happiness or unhappiness of your partner too.
If you feel that the guilt phase that you are undergoing is pathological and affecting your daily routine or functionality seek professional help.
Umang Sheth of HCI successfully hosted this session too, bringing an excellent topic live for HCI participants
It is possible to get back into another relationship, after a breakup despite the intensity suffered.
Believe that setbacks can happen anywhere in life. It doesn’t mean that setbacks will happen again. Give yourself a chance.
Just make sure it is not a rebound and not on an impulse that you are choosing the next relationship. Take time to know the person and then invest accordingly.
If the cycle of getting into a relationship breaking up continues more than once or twice, then it is time to introspect, look for the reason for failing relationships and then work on it.
. A powerful and mind-blowing step by step approach, relatable and doable was conducted for HCI by NLP Expert Ashish Jain. The session helped Apurba to restart writing poems. Here is an account of what she wrote when she was greatly inspired after attending this session.
The Maharaja Pose 🌸🌈❤️ We are the Kings n Queens of our kingdom. Not less, not more!
All is well in our kingdom. Do the Maharaja Pose 😊 Powerful body language can change you. Absolutely brilliant way shown today by Ashish Jain Master NLP practitioner.
Words have limitless power. How effectively we can use language and what we say shapes us. How we say is so important. Don’t label yourself, set yourself free. In you, there is boundless possibilities 😊 Our fingers are our mini versions. They hold the secret to various emotions. Hold them gently one by one. Feel the throbbing pulse and enjoy the sensation. See how FAST it takes a U turn!
Worry, Fear, Anger, Sadness and Trying too hard – all taken care off in the least possible hour😊. This is the Japanese technique – Jin Shin Jhitsyu, a mindful technique 😊🌸 Try Pomo Doro too 😊Fixing concentration for 10 or 20 minutes as if wearing the bridle so there are no side blinks. Then take a 5 minute break. Repeat this practice again and again. Best thing about this you can’t miss. Your work will be done with full concentration with no distraction. That’s Amazing and incredible, isn’t it ?
Just give it a whole hearted try. Don’t question just keep faith in healing and do the posture When someone says something harsh or points out your mistakes from the past. Just say that was a feedback, just need to change my strategy. And solve this problem again mindfully 😊 At night when it’s time to sleep, follow this Japanese method to distress. Bathe yourself in god ‘s golden divine light. Firmly believe and let his divinity make all things right 😊 Pour on yourself mugs of golden colour with full vigour.
Let this be the protective halo around you. Change your old beliefs that no longer serves you. Scrub off any worry you cling to as superman pose really sinks in you 😊 Practice affirmations with strong body language. Say things that you really mean well. Next time make a passing remark. Make it as casual as it can sound. I have just a little worry, nothing that I can’t handle. I am the owner of my mind. I am the doer of actions.
I slept splendidly at night. And I am ready to greet the day with a big smile. Keep that smile on your face a little longer and practice affirmations with total conviction When you believe in your abilities and use the word ‘yet ‘and ‘ just a little ‘You tell yourself that my body is my friend and offer bear hugs that none can resist. In the end, I am God’s creation, I am just work in progress 😊”Unresolved issues resides in the tissues!” Take the remote control of your life in your hand. One by one delete the unwanted memories and value the cherished ones. Do it step by step and see the change, the difference 😊
So next time you want to feel good straighten your spinal chord. Sit straight with a big smile on your face and observe your kingdom. And say all is good, all is great 😊 Approve all things around you. Witness the miracle you wanted for so long. The Maharaja Pose works wonders. Supercharge your 60 trillion neuron cells. Your karma your life. My Karma, my life frees you of carrying unwanted burden. It’s a simple, effective way of keeping all well 😊 Lastly the 4 golden rules – Spine straight, Stand straight, Walk Fast And Smile all the time – It’s amazing how it can transform our lives and how much we thrive 😊🌈❤️🌸
In the LGBT community, we have many discussions about acceptance, inclusiveness, oppression, rights, laws, and other subjects important to the community. Yet, the topic of relationships, one of the most sought after and elusive of all, is hardly ever discussed. Every LGBTQ++ person has a strong opinion on the subject drawn from personal experiences, but how many formal discussions with an expert on the subject actually happen? Hardly any. Thanks to The Hugging Club of India, on 23rd June’21, I was fortunate to be a part of one. It was led by Queer Affirmative counselor Rovan Varghese, an expert on dealing with this mysterious yet important topic.
Rovan is the most patient, sorted, and mature counsellor I have met. He dealt with the topic in a philosophical way suggesting practical solutions to difficult questions. He has transformed the way that I looked at dating and relationships by offering a bird’ eye view on the matter. Most gay men start dating because they find the person physically attractive or if the sex is good. Though men may be naturally predisposed to be sexually active, there are other factors that play a greater role in achieving companionship.
The quest for looking for a romantic partner is different for queer folk as we do not fall into the hetero normative, socially accepted structures. Hence, our approach has to be different. Some of the characteristics one needs to look for in their queer partner are reciprocity, respect, sensitivity, a good friend, allowing to be oneself, the kind of relationship, age difference, emotional availability, interest in each other’s lives, values, inspiring positivity, and honesty. Both the persons involved should be aware of the social status regarding their lifestyle, as in if they are out or not and to whom, and, if that is acceptable. These matters, though intuitively present somewhere in the dynamics of partnership are taken for granted. Aren’t these the most important aspects one must prioritize in the relationship? Most of us in the community are so engrossed in qualities like the level of education, financial status, physical attraction, articulation in English, personality, social status, and likeability that we totally miss out on the most important ingredients that are imperative in sustaining a long-term relationship. Rovan stressed the importance of physical intimacy too. It is important, at least in the initial stages of the relationship. But it cannot be the premise for sustaining the relationship.
The QnA session too, lived up to the gravity of the topic with participants asking candid yet vulnerable questions.
On allowing personal space, Rovan advised that both partners should not be overbearing on each other. Though in love, both must understand that every human needs some time alone. Both must continue living their individual lives even after committing to a relationship. The relationship should encourage love and companionship and not be a burden.
Importance of sex for the relationship
Sexual compatibility is important. In the initial period of the relationship, it helps develop closeness and intimacy. However, over a period its importance recedes and other factors mentioned before become more important. It is important to prioritize one’s needs and explore accordingly.
When should one disclose ones HIV status, especially if positive ?
The therapist advised that one should not be ashamed or unconfident if HIV positive. One can disclose their status when a certain comfort is achieved in the relationship. If one feels it is okay to be vulnerable, they can share personal information like being HIV Positive.
On the topic of finances and money; a neglected yet highly sensitive topic that can break prospective relationships, Rovan opined that it is an important discussion to have with the person one is dating. Like they say that money matters should always be crystal clear – it holds true for relationships too. As one starts dating and spending time together, money is involved in joint activities and it can become a bone of contention if not addressed on time.
How to uncover yourself while getting to know each other ?
It is human to get carried away and open up completely when we start liking someone and see a possible future. But the therapist advises against being too candid and revealing all the cards in the first dew dates. It could scare the dates away. It is better to allow the prospect to take in and digest parts of our personality and not overwhelm them with too much too soon. That way we can have enough time for ourselves too and both can get a 360-degree view of each other. The experience will be wholesome and allow for informed decisions.
How to deal with rejections ?
Most of the means of dating today have become online. It is the fastest, easiest, and most convenient way of interacting and meeting someone. However, it is also very unidimensional and incomplete. Rovan is of the opinion that every human being has many parts to themselves. And one can grasp only one or two dimensions of the person virtually. In order to know a person, one has to witness all the dimensions which will give a better understanding of the person before making choices. The golden rule is “Human beings make more sense as a whole than as individual parts”.
If someone does reject you, you must understand that the person just witnessed one dimension of your personality and lost the rest of you. So, it shouldn’t really matter if the person is not interested in knowing you as a whole. Reciprocity and respect are essential for a relationship.
How to recover from past relationships and when to start dating again ?
Relationships require a lot of mental and emotional investment. And that can be very exhausting taking out all the energy. So, separations are always traumatic and difficult times to go through. The therapist advised that one must give oneself sufficient time and space to overcome the difficult period and not jump into another relationship immediately. That will definitely affect the new alliance and also be difficult for both the people involved. One also has to be able to close past chapters and tie all the loose ends to keep them from affecting current relationships.
The event ended with a wonderful insight from one of the participants who has been in a long-term happy relationship with his partner. He shared that there is no rule or method that will guarantee us a partner. But in his experience, we get what we want when we stop looking for it. He felt that when we are satisfied with our lives and ourselves, living it fully and being happy and content that we send out the right vibes and the universe responds accordingly. I am definitely going to follow this esoteric and philosophical path hoping to find my better half. What do you think?
“I was sad because my son was going through a tough time. But now I am little relaxed and in the present.”
“After feeling hopeless for a few days, I feel like applying for a job.”
“I was feeling low and forced myself to attend this session. I am quite charged and lively now.”
I was regretting not able to do a certain upper body exercise today. Now no regrets. Just determination to try again tomorrow.”
These are some of the ‘end of the session’ responses from the participants of Dance Movement Therapy Workshop by Disha Sampat – organised by The Hugging Club Of India to celebrate the Pride Month.
When HCI approached Disha for a Pro Bono workshop, she was more than happy. In fact, excited enough to crack relevant theme : I Soul – A Journey To Self. She was dedicated enough to restrict the workshop to only 15 people – so that she can give personal attention and each one can benefit and take away something to reflect…
Starting the session with a bang – Disha held our attention immediately with a brilliant insight – Consider anger, hurt and other negative emotions as guests at your home. Let them sit and settle down. Serve them refreshments and then tell them to leave. But if you just push them out at the doorstep – they won’t leave.
And then the best part began – Aao Dance Kare. Beginning with just one part of our body to shaking every part, Disha made us move and how! On a foot tapping number, we danced with joy. Some of us, after ages. But no worries if we looked funny or had two left leg. We danced with a duppatta or scarf not bothered if it was girly or manly. Right or wrong. Over the top or miniscule. We just danced bringing out our emotions and feelings on thoughtfully picked words by Disha. In the end we drew, scribbled, photoshopped our responses. And paused and reflected on our thoughts. And of course, it was therapeutic.
Thanks Disha for making us dance with gay abandon in the Pride Month. If it was so much fun online, I wonder how it would feel like in person.
