Accepting your mental illness is the first step you take for your recovery. Sharing about it is even tougher. It takes a special type of courage to talk openly with others especially strangers about your trials and mental health journery. On 1st November 2023, HCI conducted an online session where partipants shared their inspiring stories and how they are dealing courageously with their mental illness.
Here’s an account of the same:
I am fighting OCD since 2014.
It was because of consecutive traumas that I had experienced. I lost my mother to tuberculosis. My mom’s sister took care of me. I was a child at that time. My dad married my mom’s sister because many people suggested him to do so, so that I could be taken care of. But she later died by suicide due to her own problems. I don’t know what mother’s love feels like, but I miss it.
Thereafter I met somebody who was also as loving as my mother, but they also left me because of some problems. There are other things that happened with me which have shocked me.
All these traumas caused me to have anxiety and depression when I was about 16 years old. Eventually, it took shape of OCD, an anxiety disorder that is debilitating. I took psychiatric treatment after a lot of suffering. I started medicine and therapy sessions in 2015.
Initially, I was not aware about what was happening to me. But once, in a newspaper health article, I read about OCD and convinced my family to take me to a psychiatrist.
I recovered quickly after treatment. Once I started feeling better, I stopped taking medicine without permission of my doctor. That was a mistake. Never stop your medicines, unless the doctor allows it.
My recovery got reversed and I attempted suicide by jumping into a well. My family and neighbours were shocked.
An hour before this incident, I had called my dad at work and told him what I was about to do. I had sent my sister to the market to buy something for me to eat. So there were no one in my house.
I tried jumping into a well 2-3 times but I got stuck. The fourth time I rushed towards the well and jumped into it from the backside. That was 17th November 2018.
I can’t express how I reacted inside the deep well full of drinking water. I got rescued by my family members and neighbours. A huge crowd had gathered around.
People used their their own imagination about my reasons for attempting suicide. The same day I was admitted to a local psychiatry unit and later sent to Mangalore Psychiatry Hospital for further evaluation.
Many people came to see me. But none of them understood me. Instead of showing care for me, they questioned my suicide attempt despite having a caring group of people. Very few bought fruits for me, but almost everyone taunted me. Some people used disrespectful words. I was already in panic and this caused me to feel more panic.
People bring fruits and other things if you are admitted to hospital for physical ailments. They feel pity for physical diseases. But for mental illnesses they don’t. They bring comments and gossips.
The hospital I was admitted to had very little space. There were different kinds of mentally ill patients around. I saw them struggling and I felt I was not alone. There is long list of treatment procedures I underwent in that hospital. Patients with mental illness were treated without respect there.
Some 20+ days later, they discharged me. I came out of that hospital much stronger.
Suddenly I got an idea to google mental health support groups. I did and I found many people like me on social media, from teenagers to elderly people. HCI is one of the groups I found. Here I was able to talk to people with the same mindset.
In the earlier days, I was shy to share but later I started talking openly about my own mental illness.
Being on medicine I am fine now though I am still recovering.
I am taking help.
I am listening to others with mental illnesses.
Everything is so sensitive around mental health.
Why are we not ready to take medicines for psychiatry problems and ready to do it for other physical health issues? Isn’t it very stigmatised?
Rather than me convincing you to support mental health issues, it should come internally from you to act accordingly.
I am now more stronger than before. More Mature. More Knowledgeable. More open.
I have been able to change the way of thinking of 2-3 people that I have met here. It’s a very small number but for me but it’s an achievement.
Have a look at the people around you. They may seem happy but in reality most people have their own problems.
I have accepted myself for who I am and what I will be in future. I am a 26 years old man now. I am ready to take treatment lifelong, if required.
Men do deal with mental illness. They are not aliens to feel stronger always!
Thanks for reading.
I hope my story will help at least 1 person.
– Written by HCI family member
– Edited by Amit Rai